Fear, Shame and Guilt: A Companion?
A Reflection for the First Week of Lent
By Kathy Coffey-Guenther, PhD
Senior Mission and Ignatian Leadership Specialist
And so, we have begun… we have received our ashes and have been counseled to turn our hearts and minds towards prayer, fasting and almsgiving to help us walk the next 40 days of the Lenten season consciously and closely as one of Jesus’ companions on the way to and through the bumpy road to Easter Sunday.
And, as we see from the scripture readings this week, we don’t necessarily enter this journey in the company of all rainbows and butterflies. Instead, this journey of Lent can be a challenging invitation even for the bravest among us. We see that this first week of Lent brings us immediately face to face with severe climate and physical sufferings in the desert, temptation on the temple, a meeting with the devil, and strong commandments, prayers, teachings and counsel for right living. Everything feels intense and potentially threatening, and maybe even a bit scary. It seems like a lot to learn and do and protect, and quickly!
By observing Jesus this week, we learn right away that this journey at this time in his life is not going to be a picnic in the park, and we also, perhaps, begin to discern that if we choose to walk at his side, we will likely encounter some challenges along the way, as well.
As we see Jesus suffer physical and mental hardships in the desert, we see the spirit of darkness prey upon human frailties and vulnerabilities, trying to tempt Jesus with physical care and comforts. We later see the temptations of power, glory and vision above all others, even God, being laid before Jesus, and we observe Jesus as he sees through it all, rejecting every empty seduction being offered, and standing rooted in the truth he knows gives true life, nourishment and comfort, true wisdom and inner freedom, and true inner authority rooted in the One he loves and trusts, believes and follows.
Being present as Jesus encounters the devil can offer us, too, an opportunity to see how we may be standing on the roof of our own temple. I wonder if we, can see through each of our own temptations as Jesus did. I wonder if we can stay rooted in our own sense of value and love and worthiness grounded in the God who loves us.
Or, instead, I wonder if we may become blinded, distracted and disoriented in our own search for comfort, perhaps in the wrong places and with the wrong people. I consider that we, too, may be vulnerable to seductions for power, glory and riches to soothe our wounded egos and to prove our worth to real and imagined friends and foes. And, I consider that we may even discover that we, too, are willing to test the love God has for us, again and again, as we may be too limited, broken or suspecting in our own hearts and human experiences to imagine, hope for, and believe in a love that never judges or abandons.
I have found personally and in my professional life as a spiritual director and Christian psychotherapist, that many of us get caught in similar temptations, mostly rooted in and related to fear, shame and guilt. In fact, guilt, shame and fear are joked about in certain cultures and religions, as they inform and influence thoughts, behaviors, punishments, rules, and social norms, often permeating the environment and our minds, even long after we grow up and leave “home.”
I have found that these temptations of fear, shame and guilt can appear wearing many masks or as voices, relationships and situations, and these feelings of fear, shame and guilt can whisper softly or demand loudly in their efforts to gain our attention, interrupt our peace of mind and heart, deny our interior freedom, and maybe even “keep us in our place.”
These emotions can represent our own desert experiences, as they are grounded in the distorted belief that, at our root, we are unlovable and unworthy. And, unfortunately, for most of us, we may have life experiences from young ages that could confirm we were not treated as precious children of God, thus perhaps making us more vulnerable to believing that we are unlovable and unworthy, which is counter to God’s teachings.
Many times, when we feel unlovable and unworthy, we find it difficult to trust that we really are safe and secure — both internally and externally in the world. We walk through life often feeling like an imposter, “the imposter syndrome.” We feel we need to hide who we are so our unlovability is never revealed, and thus deep intimacy in relationship, which requires each of us to be deeply known, seen and accepted, is very difficult. We can become lonely.
While healthy fear is essential in informing and protecting us in times of danger and threat, fear unexamined and unredeemed can lead to changes in our ability to discern and feel safe, secure, loved and accepted anywhere. As scientific research is demonstrating, ongoing experiences of fear can even result in changes to our neurobiological brain function, making it harder for us to use our brain to help us in analyzing situations of perceived danger or engaging in wise and successful problem-solving strategies and perspectives to assist us in discerning and choosing solutions towards safety, security and grounded love in our lives.
Without the assistance of these executive level abilities in the front of our brains operating well, we may become more and more at risk of relying on emotional reactivity in our responses. As many of us have learned, maybe the hard way, reacting emotionally can tend to be impulsive and ungrounded. It can ultimately lead us to be unsuccessful in maintaining a sense of deep and true security and safety, which we need to cultivate those feelings of hope and loving acceptance, ultimately leading to fertile ground for human flourishing.
And so, we return to the spiritual disciplines of this Lenten journey. The disciplines that help to keep the temptations and seductions at bay. The disciplines that help to keep us well anchored in the word, mind and heart of God’s love for us. The disciplines that help to reveal our true selves to us and others, helping us to reject any fear, shame or guilt that threatens to displace our sacred birthright.
We return to the commandments and prayers, to the teachings and the sacraments, to the praying and listening, to the fasting and almsgiving. We return because these disciplines are our touchstones on the path. They keep us going, even when it is hard, even when we don’t like what we see, even when we don’t know the way.
Pick up your scripture, show up for your prayer time, start a gratitude journal and write each night of the ways in which you are grateful for this day, go to Mass or prayer services, give of your time and talent, feel the poverty within, and observe the poverties beyond. Keep your eye on Jesus. Let him teach you, heal you, guide you.
Every step of learning and living this Lent, demonstrates the invitation to redemptive living that we are offered again and again. As we follow Jesus to Jerusalem and his final cross, we see him showing mercy, forgiveness, understanding, healing, preaching, teaching, courage, and redemption to the saints and sinners alike.
Jesus loves.
Jesus believes.
Jesus keeps going.
Welcome to the first week of Lent. Maybe we did find some rainbows and butterflies after all.
